another perspective.

things r a lil overwhelming lately. can't believe there's so much to do and so lil time.
I wanted to talk about why I love PKU as much as I do, I seem to have only been talking about how much I love everything without ever explaining why. But I guess that will have to come later, as there are other things on my mind right now.

This whole thing with... "coming home"... has been a very strange kind of experience. The desperate need to run and escape from all the problems and negativity in Chongqing was one thing, but gaining acceptance by family here in Beijing has been another issue altogether. My grandparents that have been living in Brazil for the past 13 years are visiting in Toronto right now before coming back to China for good in December. For the first time since... ever, my parents finally had a "heart to heart" with my dear grandma who... has her own judgments about me that I never understood.

Hearing my mom relay the conversation to me.... there was silence. there was anger. there was indignity, outrage, disappointment.... and in a sense... understanding. I was shocked that she would think as she does... even after everything (yeah, I was surprised that I could still be shocked by her, too). and I'm so grateful... SO grateful.... to my parents for standing up for me, esp my dad, for me against his mother.

but i'm starting to get it. it all finally pieced itself together... the me they see. the me we let them see. the US we let them see. of course they'd think the way they thing. and suddenly the way they treat me, the way my aunt and uncle and cousin treat me... all kinda make a lot more sense. and I really don't think that would change just because my parents talked to them, but.... to me, it explains a lot... and will make dealing with them a lot easier.

it's the same thing really. me in their eyes... and the me in his eyes... ..... really... they see what they see, for reasons that are... really not anyone's fault. it's just another perspective. I can live with that.

in the end however. it just reminds me. afterall.

ma raison d'etre. it doesn't change.