其实我们都长大了。
时间真得可以改变一切。
小时候总是盼着可以早点长大。
而现在却总希望时间可以暂停。
或许是因为经验告诉我们
美好的事情往往过去得太快。
或许我比你们想象得都简单。
其实我只是在等而已。
Monday, October 26, 2009
procrastination #2.
i promise to seriously start my essay as soon as i'm done this.
the fb wall post was quite touching. i was very impressed. thanks dear. lol.
i was thinking all the things i would actually want to do.
thinking of the things that make people feel fulfilled and happy.
funny because i realize i really don't need much.
i enjoy nice coffee shops. like bridge.
w/ sunshine and big windows and nice music.
i enjoy big busy cities. like toronto, or beijing.
but more so when i'm insulated away from it,
like in a car, or in an apartment, or something.
i enjoy volleyball. but only when everyone's really into it.
quiet games kill me. i live for the share adrenaline ＆ excitement.
i enjoy chilling on my own. doing things my way, when and how i want.
lol. i'm so antisocial sometimes. i enjoy my own bubble too much.
i want to find something i'm truly passionate about.
pg friend went to hbs, has passion in video games, now he produces video games by playing games all day, adding diff features that he thinks are cool, and then playing more games. o.O
my mother seriously just wanted to be a doctor. and gave up higher paying, chill jobs to go work longer hours, neglect her child and save the children of strangers.
my father was just... randomly impressed by trains and wanted to work with something train-related. then decided that the stock market was cooler and devoted the rest of his leisure time to that.
some ppl like cooking. so they cook. or become a chef.
some ppl actually really care about finance and econ. and therefore go into business.
other ppl like fashion. and live & breathe fashion. give up solid job offers to go into the fashion industry.
i respect all these ppl. that do things that they truly enjoy and care about.
i love the commies that have decided to do something unconventional, outside of the commerce bubble. i think they are awesome.
i even respect ppl who have legit hobbies or things that they do outside of work that keep them sane and happy and passionate.
i'm chill. i should be grateful. and oh i really really am.
i just feel like... somewhere along the way. i forgot.
i can't remember what i really really really enjoy.
i can't remember what i was reallly passionate about.
not an interview answer. but a real answer.
yet. as i wrote that last 2 lines. i remembered.
ma raison d'etre.
how dare i forget.
yet somehow. after 12 years. that no longer seems to be enough.
side note - wow... if all of the above were words for my essay. i'd be half way done now. LOL. fail tina fail -_-"
the fb wall post was quite touching. i was very impressed. thanks dear. lol.
i was thinking all the things i would actually want to do.
thinking of the things that make people feel fulfilled and happy.
funny because i realize i really don't need much.
i enjoy nice coffee shops. like bridge.
w/ sunshine and big windows and nice music.
i enjoy big busy cities. like toronto, or beijing.
but more so when i'm insulated away from it,
like in a car, or in an apartment, or something.
i enjoy volleyball. but only when everyone's really into it.
quiet games kill me. i live for the share adrenaline ＆ excitement.
i enjoy chilling on my own. doing things my way, when and how i want.
lol. i'm so antisocial sometimes. i enjoy my own bubble too much.
i want to find something i'm truly passionate about.
pg friend went to hbs, has passion in video games, now he produces video games by playing games all day, adding diff features that he thinks are cool, and then playing more games. o.O
my mother seriously just wanted to be a doctor. and gave up higher paying, chill jobs to go work longer hours, neglect her child and save the children of strangers.
my father was just... randomly impressed by trains and wanted to work with something train-related. then decided that the stock market was cooler and devoted the rest of his leisure time to that.
some ppl like cooking. so they cook. or become a chef.
some ppl actually really care about finance and econ. and therefore go into business.
other ppl like fashion. and live & breathe fashion. give up solid job offers to go into the fashion industry.
i respect all these ppl. that do things that they truly enjoy and care about.
i love the commies that have decided to do something unconventional, outside of the commerce bubble. i think they are awesome.
i even respect ppl who have legit hobbies or things that they do outside of work that keep them sane and happy and passionate.
i'm chill. i should be grateful. and oh i really really am.
i just feel like... somewhere along the way. i forgot.
i can't remember what i really really really enjoy.
i can't remember what i was reallly passionate about.
not an interview answer. but a real answer.
yet. as i wrote that last 2 lines. i remembered.
ma raison d'etre.
how dare i forget.
yet somehow. after 12 years. that no longer seems to be enough.
side note - wow... if all of the above were words for my essay. i'd be half way done now. LOL. fail tina fail -_-"
happiness deferrers.
came across this randomly today.
http://iwanttobeaca.blogspot.com/2009/08/happiness-deferrers.html
i think it relates to everything. not just CA-wannabes.
i think i've finally stopped being one.
after years and years of "just one more week. let me just get thru this week and it will all be okkay."
my goals and "milestones" stopped working for me after summer of first year.
again.
life should be spent doing what makes me happy. =)
and for now. that means vball & friends & chill =)
http://iwanttobeaca.blogspot.com/2009/08/happiness-deferrers.html
i think it relates to everything. not just CA-wannabes.
i think i've finally stopped being one.
after years and years of "just one more week. let me just get thru this week and it will all be okkay."
my goals and "milestones" stopped working for me after summer of first year.
again.
life should be spent doing what makes me happy. =)
and for now. that means vball & friends & chill =)
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
small gestures
never under estimate the power of small gestures.
small things can make a big difference.
ppl are social beings.
ppl need to be appreciated.
ppl need ppl to care.
ppl complain about commercialization of human relationships.
with vday and mother's day and father's day and even xmas.
ppl say that kind of love is constant, there shouldn't be one special day for it.
i agree. in the sense that some grand gesture on that one day shouldn't be able to make up for the other 364.25 days of neglect. in the sense that love shouldn't be expressed in gifts.
but at least it's a reminder. for those that forget to remember.
i'm grateful for the lovely lovely ppl who were able to come together with such short notice despite their schedules to make the small gesture happen tonight.
i'm grateful for the existence of multiple social networking sites and multiple reminder systems that remind us of the days that matter.
i'll try to be more vigilant =P.
oh. and.
ps.
i miss u.
.
small things can make a big difference.
ppl are social beings.
ppl need to be appreciated.
ppl need ppl to care.
ppl complain about commercialization of human relationships.
with vday and mother's day and father's day and even xmas.
ppl say that kind of love is constant, there shouldn't be one special day for it.
i agree. in the sense that some grand gesture on that one day shouldn't be able to make up for the other 364.25 days of neglect. in the sense that love shouldn't be expressed in gifts.
but at least it's a reminder. for those that forget to remember.
i'm grateful for the lovely lovely ppl who were able to come together with such short notice despite their schedules to make the small gesture happen tonight.
i'm grateful for the existence of multiple social networking sites and multiple reminder systems that remind us of the days that matter.
i'll try to be more vigilant =P.
oh. and.
ps.
i miss u.
.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
grrr at boys.
midterm tmr. not even done half the readings. =(.
instead, spent over an hour cleaning house + room.
grrrr at boys. i dislike boys. living with boys is stupid.
pls remind me to never do this again.
this living situation is not healthy.
i'm constantly angry and i'm annoyed and disgusted.
this is making me never want to live w/ a guy.
lol. GAH. why are boys so nasty.
i wanna stay at home forever and ever and ever.
so clean and BIG. omg i had trouble turning around in my room upon my return. o.O.
seriously. i seriously think it's the size of my closet at home.
GAH. can't do home and then Kingston. contrast too drastic.
eff my midterm.
instead, spent over an hour cleaning house + room.
grrrr at boys. i dislike boys. living with boys is stupid.
pls remind me to never do this again.
this living situation is not healthy.
i'm constantly angry and i'm annoyed and disgusted.
this is making me never want to live w/ a guy.
lol. GAH. why are boys so nasty.
i wanna stay at home forever and ever and ever.
so clean and BIG. omg i had trouble turning around in my room upon my return. o.O.
seriously. i seriously think it's the size of my closet at home.
GAH. can't do home and then Kingston. contrast too drastic.
eff my midterm.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
the way love should be.
http://share.renren.com/1127374293/229968072
cecilia and nicholas talk to the press post edison scandal.
heart c+n. mad respect to nicholas.
add oil. hope they make forever happen =)
cecilia and nicholas talk to the press post edison scandal.
heart c+n. mad respect to nicholas.
add oil. hope they make forever happen =)
Saturday, October 17, 2009
没有记忆的人。
上个周末，一起坐在一张桌子上学习，让我想起了什么。
一起开车会多伦多的时候，她才提醒了我那种感觉为什么那么熟悉。
一起怀念过去，我才发现我对过去六年的记忆竟然是如此的模糊，
甚至连三五天前的事情都已经忘得一清二楚了。
可我还是那么清晰的记得我们之间七八年前的每一个细节。
今天开车回到最熟悉的地方， 发现长期搬家原来也是好事。
今天去把手机刷中文，他说txt msgs可能会丢。
站在那里，花了20多分钟一条一条的看，把一些重要的存了下来。
我才发现，原来常常丢手机，可能也是一种解脱。
或许是因为我没有记忆。
或许是因为世界变得很复杂。
我的大脑开始分不清真假，常常不知道记忆是梦还是事实。
发现这几年一直在狂抓。用文字，用相机，用票据，等等。
能留下来的东西尽量留。哪怕只是一条简短的 text 。
几个字而已，开玩笑或暧昧或问候。
对我来讲，却是唯一的证明，证明我没有疯没有傻。
证明曾经，哪怕仅仅是那一秒，他在乎过。
不相信日记，因为可能自欺欺人。
不相信照片，因为可能只是一个友好的pose.
但是短信，很难伪造，有时间和电话号码证明。
一个没有记忆的人，在一个混乱的世界里。
grasping at nothings in an attempt to preserve fleeting moments.
一起开车会多伦多的时候，她才提醒了我那种感觉为什么那么熟悉。
一起怀念过去，我才发现我对过去六年的记忆竟然是如此的模糊，
甚至连三五天前的事情都已经忘得一清二楚了。
可我还是那么清晰的记得我们之间七八年前的每一个细节。
今天开车回到最熟悉的地方， 发现长期搬家原来也是好事。
今天去把手机刷中文，他说txt msgs可能会丢。
站在那里，花了20多分钟一条一条的看，把一些重要的存了下来。
我才发现，原来常常丢手机，可能也是一种解脱。
或许是因为我没有记忆。
或许是因为世界变得很复杂。
我的大脑开始分不清真假，常常不知道记忆是梦还是事实。
发现这几年一直在狂抓。用文字，用相机，用票据，等等。
能留下来的东西尽量留。哪怕只是一条简短的 text 。
几个字而已，开玩笑或暧昧或问候。
对我来讲，却是唯一的证明，证明我没有疯没有傻。
证明曾经，哪怕仅仅是那一秒，他在乎过。
不相信日记，因为可能自欺欺人。
不相信照片，因为可能只是一个友好的pose.
但是短信，很难伪造，有时间和电话号码证明。
一个没有记忆的人，在一个混乱的世界里。
grasping at nothings in an attempt to preserve fleeting moments.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
attitude.
attitude makes all the difference in the world.
i need a better one. =).
I am awesome. I'm going to make them think so too =).
vball today was unsatisfying. -_-".
grrrrrrr. had to go for an additional run after in order to work it off.
maybe i should switch up a league. sad.
as much as i'm looking forward to ottawa.
won't get to play for another whole week. =(.
but it's all good. cuz it was a good run. =).
again. it's all about attitude.
i am awesome. and I will make them agree.
add oil add oil add oil.
i need a better one. =).
I am awesome. I'm going to make them think so too =).
vball today was unsatisfying. -_-".
grrrrrrr. had to go for an additional run after in order to work it off.
maybe i should switch up a league. sad.
as much as i'm looking forward to ottawa.
won't get to play for another whole week. =(.
but it's all good. cuz it was a good run. =).
again. it's all about attitude.
i am awesome. and I will make them agree.
add oil add oil add oil.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
essentials of life. =)
gahhhh. i'm too good at procrastination.
interview at 10 am yet i'm wasting time like no tmr.
vball was awesome today.
i've decided. after recruiting ends.
all i'm gonna do is vball & draw.
seriously. life should be spent doing things we actually enjoy.
vball = breathing. i just wish i were actually good. LOL.
also. friends are awesome.
what was going to be a very quiet moon festival turned out to be awesome.
i love how my friends refuse to let themselves be uninvited. =P.
realize more and more the importance of the ppl who keep pushing their way into my life when i go antisocial =)
my friends are awesome =).
thanksgiving is a wk away.
but i'll be grateful early. =)
grateful for the essentials of life:
mommie+daddie. friends. vball. paper+pencil+colours. water&air&food.
oh - and entertaining boys =P
heart. =)
interview at 10 am yet i'm wasting time like no tmr.
vball was awesome today.
i've decided. after recruiting ends.
all i'm gonna do is vball & draw.
seriously. life should be spent doing things we actually enjoy.
vball = breathing. i just wish i were actually good. LOL.
also. friends are awesome.
what was going to be a very quiet moon festival turned out to be awesome.
i love how my friends refuse to let themselves be uninvited. =P.
realize more and more the importance of the ppl who keep pushing their way into my life when i go antisocial =)
my friends are awesome =).
thanksgiving is a wk away.
but i'll be grateful early. =)
grateful for the essentials of life:
mommie+daddie. friends. vball. paper+pencil+colours. water&air&food.
oh - and entertaining boys =P
heart. =)
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