not quite.

i think i've been telling myself for a long time that i am exactly the same person in a lot of ways, as the person i was before we met in first year. was having a conversation with a friend last week and i even ventured so far as to say this is the best i have been in a long long time, that i am completely fine, not getting over anyone, not trying to heal, not holding any grudges, not hurting... etc etc.

i suddenly realized today that's probably not the complete and accurate truth. to be fair. i don't think anyone comes out of a 4.5 year relationship or non-relationship completely unscathed.

it's insane the speed at which i am allowing my latest phase of infatuation completely die off within the first signs of non-exclusive interest/disinterest. i'm actually very impressed. but that's exactly what those 4.5 years taught me right? despite that conversation with the said friend mentioned above, to not change who i am because of him, to not be any less selfless than i was and still to trust and believe... maybe i can't anymore.
but it's good =). i'm learning to protect myself better =)
this is good. ^_^

陌生人

没有一点点防备，也没有一丝顾虑
你就这样出现在我的世界里，带给我惊喜，情不自己
可是你偏又这样，在我不知不觉中
悄悄的消失，从我的世界里，没有音讯，剩下的只是回忆
你存在，我深深的脑海里，我的梦里，我的心里，我的歌声里
你存在，我深深的脑海里，我的梦里，我的心里，
还记得我们曾经，肩并肩一起走过，那段繁华巷口
尽管你我是陌生人，是过路人，但彼此还是感觉到了对方的
一个眼神，一个心跳….
一种意想不到的快乐，好像是
一场梦境，命中注定
世界之大为何我们相遇
难道是缘分
难道是天意…

becoming risk-averse.

看非诚勿扰，一个女孩说自己是一个“爱上就会大声说出来的女孩”。
不仅想起昨天跟KJ聊天，KJ特别困惑的说，“这真的很不像你以往的作风啊，这次你怎么会选择这么passive的approach.”

是啊....
从很早以前就一直以“敢爱敢恨，有话就说”的自己为荣。
而这次，也许因为代价太高，或许是自己真的长大了，的确输不起。
所以我选择转身离开。

其实想一想，其实这之前的四年半不是就安安静静的过去了么？
好像小时候，发现有危险，会很好奇，就跑过去非得要看看到底有多危险，到底有多刺激，非要感受一下才可以满足自己的好奇心，就算在过程中摔倒受伤，也不在乎。
可是想一想... 或许就是这四年半, 的确是伤的有点太深了, 的确没有办法让自己再对一个真的可以动心的人再去付出真心了。真的没有了这个胆量和能力去尝试。

或许，再“敢爱敢恨”的女孩，都会被生活的现实和经历有一天磨炼成一个安安静静，宁愿妥协于生活的平庸女人。
我决定了。这条路走到这里为止。前面的世界可能很美好，可能是梦寐以求的幸福。
可是此时的我，面对那个世界的你，真的可能很美好。
但是我的确伤不起了。