bridge.

so here we are, once again, chilling at the new bridge coffee shop...
I love afternoons here... the sun so gloriously shines through their large, floor-to-ceiling windows... I love the atmosphere here. so chill and relaxing. perfect for people watching, letting time pass by, sipping coffee while reading... seriously. it makes studying so much more.... chill. =). we have thrown so much cash and spent so much money here it's ridiculous. lol. In a sense, it's a like a hub of the international scene here in Beijing, so many expats and internationals here. I actually think it's my favourite coffee shop ever, more than sips, more than cogro, more than the ghetto starbucks by my house. lol. Funny how as much as i love beijing, I enjoy being in this lil space of what feels like westernization =P. If I were to ever own a coffee shop though, I'd make it smaller and even more cozier.... and I'll probably kick out all the smokers and loud ppl personally =P.

So yes, I remembered suddenly that this was supposed to be my travel blog-ish, and I haven't talked about any of my "travels" at all. I'll try to get better at this =P.

On the weekend I went to "Shi Du" with work people. I didn't actually want to be there because I didn't know most of the people and all I could really think about was the number of parties I was missing out on by going on this trip. LOL. I went cuz I felt like it would be interesting to be with locals for a while... this whole... being a small person in a small company with a small group of people... local thing. It was really pretty, and really cold o.O. [btw. bridge is super cold. just like the rest of this city. GOSH heating needs to come soon.... before we all freeze and die] we had a campfire at night complete with firecrackers and sparklers and singing and screaming and laughing and drinking and dancing. it was a good night =). next day went sightseeing and ... i rode a horse for the first time! =D... and more of floating down a river and stuff. really though, for me, travelling really has ceased to be about the places themselves but all about the people that u're with. which actually made the weekend somewhat kind of difficult.... it was a whole weekend of pretending to be local, guarding against every accidental escape of an english word or expression, any sign of being un-local. exhausting and unbelievably fake. o.O. i tried though. and made a lot of friends. met a lot of ppl. it was fun =D.

i should go get some actual work done. and i keep losing my train of thought cuz talking to zhu and watching ppl. lol. very distracting. =P

... and let go.

had this conversation w/ friends about this... blogging thing today. and vtunnel was introduced to me... so I suddenly regained access to xanga and lj.

apparently... my memory seems to be... dying off. lol. i have actually managed to forget a lot of stuff. reading back on it all.... wow. the word of my life seems to have been. exhaustion. LOL. i need to stop doing this. i need to chill and not fill up every second of every day o.O. but yes... reading back on it all, going back through the years...

and i fail to continue. lol. somethings are better left unsaid =). but one thing is clear. according to these blogs. I seem to be happier lately than I have ever been since aa died. =P.

beijing is getting SO cold. heating needs to come soon... this is seriously inhumane. GOSH. lol.

living for the moment.

so many places to go.
so many things to try.
so many people to meet.

i say things and do things that i don't mean.
i hear the word and i wonder who said them.
i see the reflection and i wonder who she is.
i act and i wonder who she's portraying.

i surprise myself.
she's not me.

the more i feel like ppl r trying to get to know me.
the more i do this.
i put me away and show them what i think they want to see.
i don't know who she is.
i don't know why she does this.

living for the moment.
each moment, each situation, she's a different person.

who is this mad woman.
i'm not her.
where did she hide me?

<3 friends.

ahhhhhh. i love my friends =).
recent amazingness of friends...
(in order of occurences =P)

[edit: removed identifiers. cuz apparently some ppl like to guess and figure out which ones apply to whom. enjoy =P]

1. late night "i'll meet u at the corner"ness. we'll be friends for life. and i'm grateful cuz u're here.
2. "i'll be right over".... "wth. i thot u were dead". thk u dear.
3. Skype. because it brings u closer.
4. daily dose of u is more than just necessary. u're gonna mk me die laughing =D
5. gosh i miss u. i swear i'll get to my emails asap... msn makes me miss u more ='(
6. fb msgs. i'll reply soon. i swear. but i loved that update. i'm glad all's well =]
7. recognition of my wardrobe. LMAO.
8. 10 hour session at Bridge Cafe = $280. o.O. omg. but oh so worth it =D
9. "but that doesn't mean i don't miss u"... fine. i forgive u. lol.
10. housemate love. 1am "yeayuhz?"..... "YEAYUHz!". lol. =P
11. "i've started noticing the time. u usually get online around 8 45am ur time." ahhhhh. the love =D

i heart technology. it brings u all closer to me.
i heart beijing. for those of u that r here =).
and i know i don't say this enough... or like... ever. lol.
but... i heart friends. u guys make life oh so amazing. every single day =].

thk u =)

photo blog #2 - a morning in the life of tee.

this may be as lame as can be. lol.
here is a glimpse in the life of me here.
on the other side of the world.
and hopefully u can see why i'm loving it all so much =)

i apologize for the quality of photos. on cell phone and while moving.

so I woke up to another beautiful day in Beijing this morning.
I'm trying very hard to do this local thing of... a very regularized lifestyle.
This was at 8am in the morning, I'm on my way to school an hour early =)
Not a single cloud in the sky and as blue as can be.
what pollution dear western media. and this is after Beijing resumed biz as usual.
shut the duck up. it's beautiful.

... and what do i see in the bike parking shelter parked beside me?
*meow* o.O *rawr*
right under the sun. ahhhh. so comfy looking =)

LMAO. this is a glimpse of me on my 3 minute bike ride to school
obviously failed at taking picture while speeding against traffic =P
and YES. that is my Queen's Commerce sweater. QC pride. =)

inside the east entrance of PKU.
everyone on their bikes. and the library straight ahead.
guanghua is to the left pas
classes are on, so traffic is down.

the making of my breakfast =D
yummilicious =]

class. arrived 20 min early. lol.
there's my breakfast. =)
soy milk, banana, and that pancake concoction the lady was making earlier =)

... annnnnnd that was my morning.
hope u had a good one too =)

In these small hours.

loving this song.
Little Wonders - Rob Thomas.




time falls away... in these small hours... really. living life thru these lil hours.
(k def did not know this was from meet the robinsons. Rob Thomas is hot though =P.)

i apologize for the lack of email correspondance lately. returning from vacation has me overwhelmed between school, work, clubs, meetings, dinners, re-settling in, and meeting ppl, etc etc. it's been amazing. as I can't seem to stop expressing.
Was talking to KJ the other day, and he mentioned that it's a little scary, in the sense that sometimes it seems as though I'm going to say anytime now that I'm gonna stay here and not go back again.
made me think a little, and I must say that ... it has crossed my mind, or has been at the back of my mind all this time. Before, when I used to come back for summer vacations, every time as I leave Beijing and fly back to Toronto, the same question always arises "why am I leaving. why would I EVER... want to leave?" lol. once upon a time there was a bf to fly back to, and of course, school, family, friends, and everything else that comes with still being a kid... now that's no longer an issue really, and options seem to present themselves that make this dream of coming back, for real, so much more... tangible.

anyhow, I don't actually have time to be dwelling over this right now. so much to do. kinda need time to pause for just a lil bit so I can get caught up and carry on living this life.

once again. I'm loving it all.


I'm thankful for everything that I have right now.
I'm thankful for having you guys still in my life (friends must be the best thing that's ever happened in my life. lol. esp ff. just... knowing that u're all ... good and happy makes me happy. all 21 of u. =])
I'm thankful for those of you who are in Beijing. So I'm failing horribly at this integrating myself with locals part..... but having you all here, exploring and living and having the time of our lives... is more than I could've ever asked for.

happy thanksgiving dears =)

oh p.s. HEART wongfu. GOSH. make me smile anytime any day.

another perspective.

things r a lil overwhelming lately. can't believe there's so much to do and so lil time.
I wanted to talk about why I love PKU as much as I do, I seem to have only been talking about how much I love everything without ever explaining why. But I guess that will have to come later, as there are other things on my mind right now.

This whole thing with... "coming home"... has been a very strange kind of experience. The desperate need to run and escape from all the problems and negativity in Chongqing was one thing, but gaining acceptance by family here in Beijing has been another issue altogether. My grandparents that have been living in Brazil for the past 13 years are visiting in Toronto right now before coming back to China for good in December. For the first time since... ever, my parents finally had a "heart to heart" with my dear grandma who... has her own judgments about me that I never understood.

Hearing my mom relay the conversation to me.... there was silence. there was anger. there was indignity, outrage, disappointment.... and in a sense... understanding. I was shocked that she would think as she does... even after everything (yeah, I was surprised that I could still be shocked by her, too). and I'm so grateful... SO grateful.... to my parents for standing up for me, esp my dad, for me against his mother.

but i'm starting to get it. it all finally pieced itself together... the me they see. the me we let them see. the US we let them see. of course they'd think the way they thing. and suddenly the way they treat me, the way my aunt and uncle and cousin treat me... all kinda make a lot more sense. and I really don't think that would change just because my parents talked to them, but.... to me, it explains a lot... and will make dealing with them a lot easier.

it's the same thing really. me in their eyes... and the me in his eyes... ..... really... they see what they see, for reasons that are... really not anyone's fault. it's just another perspective. I can live with that.

in the end however. it just reminds me. afterall.

ma raison d'etre. it doesn't change.