came across these videos...
Vancouver 2005
Vancouver 2007
Free Hugs 2007
I wish I had words and the time to express how much VY means to me. how much these memories matter. but i need to seriously start studying. ....
5 years of VY... 5 years of amazingness. from being a participant, going through it all, complaining about it all, to loving it all... to now... watching as the "next generations" go through it... and still being amazed to be apart of this absolutely wonderful experience.
... i lack the words.
i also wonder where the videos from my years are. LOL. must hunt them down... can you spot me in the first video? =P
oh the memories.
I think the thing i'm actually most upset about being on exchange... is missing out on VY Gala this year.
VY Counsellors 08. <3
PKU people: anyone up for Free Hugs in Beijing? let's do it. Wangfujing. before Christmas.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
the art of living in China.
As developed as a lot of China, especially most of Beijing, has become, there are still small quirks here and there that are just... different from North America, and I have been surprised to learn.
or maybe these are just common sense things about living on your own that I am just now learning. (i.e. I can't drive my laundry 3 hours back to Toronto anymore. lol.)
1. Heating.
Luckily, Beijing is north of the Chang Jiang, so there is heating [ yes... there is no heating south of Chang Jiang. I have vague memories of wearing 3 layers of clothing underneath a winter jacket at all times the entire winter back in Chongqing ]
However, heating in most buildings consists of hot water running through water pipes. This is a centrally controlled event (i.e. in Beijing, there was no heating until November 15). This... is all fine. The ghetto-ness of bare water pipes to semi-attempt to warm up my room, this is all fine. The difficult part was... there's a process called "fang qi"... no, not give up, lol, but "letting the air out". As there is no water running through the pipes in the other three seasons, air gets in the pipes, and until you let the air out, the hot water can't push its way through, and you have no heating. Usually the piping circulates throughout the entire building. Like lightbulbs on a circuit, if one apartment didn't let the air out, then the entire portion of the building after them cannot get heating. However, if you happen to be three half-foreign girls living on the top floor without any knowledge of this... it doesn't effect anyone else... so it wasn't until 17 days after everyone else got heating that we suddenly figured out why.
Lesson learned: MUST let the air out of your pipes to get heating.
2. Laundry.
So liquid laundry detergent appears to not exist/extremely difficult to find in China. Everyone still uses soap and wash clothes by hand, or powder. Powder seemed like the best alternative.... except... everytime we take clothes out of our washing machine (which must be an antique too), there is still white powder all over the clothes......... >.<. My solution, wash everything 3 times... but there'd STILL be powder undissolved. -_-" So the other day I finally decided to vent my frustrations to some locals. Apparently.... the water in Beijing is "hard", and therefore makes it very difficult to dissolve anything. The only way around it is to get hot water, dump it in the washing machine (there's no hot water connected to it), and then put the laundry detergent it, swirl it around until it dissolves, then add clothes, let sit, then 15 min later, twirl it some more, then allow washing machine to do normal cycle. This... is a very long process (esp adding hot water part) but the amount of powder seems to have decreased significantly =]. and OH! as soon as laundry is done? hang it up ASAP ... or live with a million creases forever =P ... yes... they don't have dryers.... I actually haven't seen one since coming back.. everyone seems to hang
Lesson learned: Use hot water, minimal powder, let sit, and ... pray for the best. LOL.
3. Dust.
Omg. Beijing must be the dustiest city in the world. No not like... I walk out and I'm covered in dust -_-". but like... go one day without wiping your desk or lamp or w/e, and a thin film of dust would've accumulated... So I have become cleaner than some of you would've ever imagined me to be capable of =D. and my solution to the dust problem? Baby wipes! =D. <3 wipes =")." after ="]." style="font-style: italic;">
Lesson Learned: Use baby wipes (preferably Pampers =P shameless plug) to combat dust accumulation!
This is all I can think of // can afford to procrastinate.
May be updated/completed at later date =)
Disclaimer: these are not complaints. it's finding the humour of living like this. LOL. for those that know me.... how much love... must there be for this city.... for me to be fine with going thru all this and still loving it all? lol. it's all part of beijing. therefore i heart =).
or maybe these are just common sense things about living on your own that I am just now learning. (i.e. I can't drive my laundry 3 hours back to Toronto anymore. lol.)
1. Heating.
Luckily, Beijing is north of the Chang Jiang, so there is heating [ yes... there is no heating south of Chang Jiang. I have vague memories of wearing 3 layers of clothing underneath a winter jacket at all times the entire winter back in Chongqing ]
However, heating in most buildings consists of hot water running through water pipes. This is a centrally controlled event (i.e. in Beijing, there was no heating until November 15). This... is all fine. The ghetto-ness of bare water pipes to semi-attempt to warm up my room, this is all fine. The difficult part was... there's a process called "fang qi"... no, not give up, lol, but "letting the air out". As there is no water running through the pipes in the other three seasons, air gets in the pipes, and until you let the air out, the hot water can't push its way through, and you have no heating. Usually the piping circulates throughout the entire building. Like lightbulbs on a circuit, if one apartment didn't let the air out, then the entire portion of the building after them cannot get heating. However, if you happen to be three half-foreign girls living on the top floor without any knowledge of this... it doesn't effect anyone else... so it wasn't until 17 days after everyone else got heating that we suddenly figured out why.
Lesson learned: MUST let the air out of your pipes to get heating.
2. Laundry.
So liquid laundry detergent appears to not exist/extremely difficult to find in China. Everyone still uses soap and wash clothes by hand, or powder. Powder seemed like the best alternative.... except... everytime we take clothes out of our washing machine (which must be an antique too), there is still white powder all over the clothes......... >.<. My solution, wash everything 3 times... but there'd STILL be powder undissolved. -_-" So the other day I finally decided to vent my frustrations to some locals. Apparently.... the water in Beijing is "hard", and therefore makes it very difficult to dissolve anything. The only way around it is to get hot water, dump it in the washing machine (there's no hot water connected to it), and then put the laundry detergent it, swirl it around until it dissolves, then add clothes, let sit, then 15 min later, twirl it some more, then allow washing machine to do normal cycle. This... is a very long process (esp adding hot water part) but the amount of powder seems to have decreased significantly =]. and OH! as soon as laundry is done? hang it up ASAP ... or live with a million creases forever =P ... yes... they don't have dryers.... I actually haven't seen one since coming back.. everyone seems to hang
Lesson learned: Use hot water, minimal powder, let sit, and ... pray for the best. LOL.
3. Dust.
Omg. Beijing must be the dustiest city in the world. No not like... I walk out and I'm covered in dust -_-". but like... go one day without wiping your desk or lamp or w/e, and a thin film of dust would've accumulated... So I have become cleaner than some of you would've ever imagined me to be capable of =D. and my solution to the dust problem? Baby wipes! =D. <3 wipes =")." after ="]." style="font-style: italic;">
Lesson Learned: Use baby wipes (preferably Pampers =P shameless plug) to combat dust accumulation!
This is all I can think of // can afford to procrastinate.
May be updated/completed at later date =)
Disclaimer: these are not complaints. it's finding the humour of living like this. LOL. for those that know me.... how much love... must there be for this city.... for me to be fine with going thru all this and still loving it all? lol. it's all part of beijing. therefore i heart =).
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
fly.
... as much as i've hated to think about it.
i have just booked my flight to Barcelona.
leaving Beijing on Sunday Feb 1st 2am, stopping over in Frankfurt for 2 hours and then arriving in Barcelona at 9:30am.
My first class is the next day. LOL.
I guess I should start looking for housing ='(
i have just booked my flight to Barcelona.
leaving Beijing on Sunday Feb 1st 2am, stopping over in Frankfurt for 2 hours and then arriving in Barcelona at 9:30am.
My first class is the next day. LOL.
I guess I should start looking for housing ='(
Monday, November 24, 2008
are u smarter than a 5th grader?
dinner discussion solution posted:
so apparently.
fishes do have hearts.
dinner was good.
i've missed laughing like this =).
lol. so i guess being Pisces can't be my excuse anymore. =(. lol.
so apparently.
fishes do have hearts.
dinner was good.
i've missed laughing like this =).
lol. so i guess being Pisces can't be my excuse anymore. =(. lol.
lines.
was randomly thinking today.
lines.
there are so many fine lines that exist in this world. between relationships.
the fine line between love & hate // cute & lame // funny & insensitive // caring & suffocating // holding on & letting go // right & wrong
and .... there were so many more that i've been thinking all day -_-"....
these lines separate things. define things... yet at the same time... lines connect us. not just internet lines... cable lines... but lines between ppl... between family. between friends. ppl from the same school. same background.
we use our lines... our judgment lines as well as our connecting lines... to create fences. to keep ppl out. to... keep ppl in.
lines are funny things.
reminds me of this quote from Grey's.
... people. are funny creatures =).
that is all.
lines.
there are so many fine lines that exist in this world. between relationships.
the fine line between love & hate // cute & lame // funny & insensitive // caring & suffocating // holding on & letting go // right & wrong
and .... there were so many more that i've been thinking all day -_-"....
these lines separate things. define things... yet at the same time... lines connect us. not just internet lines... cable lines... but lines between ppl... between family. between friends. ppl from the same school. same background.
we use our lines... our judgment lines as well as our connecting lines... to create fences. to keep ppl out. to... keep ppl in.
lines are funny things.
reminds me of this quote from Grey's.
"In surgery there is a red line on the floor that marks the point where the hospital goes from being accessible to being off limits to all but a special few. Crossing the line unauthorized is not tolerated. In general, lines are there for a reason, for safety, for security, for clarity. If you choose to cross the line, you pretty much choose to do so at your own risk. So why is it that the bigger the line, the greater the temptation to cross it?.... We can't help ourselves, we see a line we want to cross it. Maybe it's the thrill of trading the familiar for the unfamiliar, a sort of personal dare, only problem is, once you have crossed it's almost impossible to go back. But if you do manage to make it back across that line, you find safety in numbers."
... people. are funny creatures =).
that is all.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
passage of time.
apparently it snowed in toronto sometime last week. Somehow that seems unfathomable to me, seeing as how it is still kind of warm in Beijing (at least today anyway, around 5-7 degrees-ish?). I can't really remember if it used to snow in Beijing.... lol... I know it must've snowed... I have picture proof from when I was 5 or 6....
A part of me can't wait til the snow. til the lil lakes/ponds all freeze over and we can go skating (!! =D)
A part of me is happy that Will's coming soon... but the countdown scares me.
A part of me is looking forward to Christmas in Beijing... New Years in Beijing.... Spring Festival in Beijing...
but so much of me is still holding on to every second, refusing to let time pass by, I can't believe 3 months have flown by soooo fast. there's still so much I wanted to do and see. i have... no desire to leave this place... like... ever. I realize may be it's only because I know there is a definite deadline. in so many ways it still feels somewhat surreal, in the sense that ... because it's exchange. everything is heightened.... and so many other things just don't matter and i simply don't care. because there's a definite end to this... i feel as though I need to live it all to the max, and as long as I'm having fun, none of it matters =). haha... I wish I could just keep doing this... ... maybe dreams are meant to remain dreams... maybe when this becomes my only reality... i won't enjoy it as much, and it will become singular and mundane (... actually. no way. lol. i don't think that's possible. =P)
.... lol... too much caffine and too little sleep -_-"
on a side note....
the original 6. i... lack words....
S.H.E. - 你最近还好么？
S.H.E. - How are you lately?
挑一张耶诞卡写上满满祝福的话
Picked out a Christmas card, filled it full with wishes for u
地址写的是心底你能不能收到它
Addressed to your heart... can you still receive it?
天有点冷风有点大城市宁静而喧哗
It's getting chilly, it's a lil windy, the big city is serene but noisy
这一个冬天我得一个人走回家
This winter... I must walk home alone..
问自己习惯了吗
I ask myself... can I get used to this?
没有你每到夜褃回声变得好大
Nights without you... the echo of silence is so loud.
有没有什麽好方法让寂寞更听话
... is there a better way to control this loneliness?
你最近还好吗
how are you lately...
是不是也在思念褃挣扎
are you fighting back the memories too?
你说会记得我还记得吗
You said u'd rmb me... do u still rmb?
你最近还好吗
how are u lately?
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
busy? tired?... still hurt?
如果真不得已忘了我
if there's no other way... then forget about me
快向快乐出发
go make your way towards happiness.
有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达
thinking of u... but no longer have the right to express how much i still care
旧情人给的问候比陌生人还尴尬
greetings are more awkward from ex-lovers than from strangers
昨天远了明天还长回忆模糊但巨大
yesterdays r far away, tomorrows are long... memories r blurry but overwhelming
这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下
nights like this.... how do u stop the tears from falling...
Disclaimer:
this has nothing to do with me. i'm happy.
actually. i'm almost surprised at how lil i care. lol.
seriously. this lack of a heart thing? it's really working for me =P
lol. it's just a gd song. =)
A part of me can't wait til the snow. til the lil lakes/ponds all freeze over and we can go skating (!! =D)
A part of me is happy that Will's coming soon... but the countdown scares me.
A part of me is looking forward to Christmas in Beijing... New Years in Beijing.... Spring Festival in Beijing...
but so much of me is still holding on to every second, refusing to let time pass by, I can't believe 3 months have flown by soooo fast. there's still so much I wanted to do and see. i have... no desire to leave this place... like... ever. I realize may be it's only because I know there is a definite deadline. in so many ways it still feels somewhat surreal, in the sense that ... because it's exchange. everything is heightened.... and so many other things just don't matter and i simply don't care. because there's a definite end to this... i feel as though I need to live it all to the max, and as long as I'm having fun, none of it matters =). haha... I wish I could just keep doing this... ... maybe dreams are meant to remain dreams... maybe when this becomes my only reality... i won't enjoy it as much, and it will become singular and mundane (... actually. no way. lol. i don't think that's possible. =P)
.... lol... too much caffine and too little sleep -_-"
on a side note....
the original 6. i... lack words....
S.H.E. - 你最近还好么？
S.H.E. - How are you lately?
挑一张耶诞卡写上满满祝福的话
Picked out a Christmas card, filled it full with wishes for u
地址写的是心底你能不能收到它
Addressed to your heart... can you still receive it?
天有点冷风有点大城市宁静而喧哗
It's getting chilly, it's a lil windy, the big city is serene but noisy
这一个冬天我得一个人走回家
This winter... I must walk home alone..
问自己习惯了吗
I ask myself... can I get used to this?
没有你每到夜褃回声变得好大
Nights without you... the echo of silence is so loud.
有没有什麽好方法让寂寞更听话
... is there a better way to control this loneliness?
你最近还好吗
how are you lately...
are you fighting back the memories too?
你说会记得我还记得吗
You said u'd rmb me... do u still rmb?
你最近还好吗
how are u lately?
忙碌吗累吗
busy? tired?
如果真不得已忘了我
if there's no other way... then forget about me
快向快乐出发
go make your way towards happiness.
有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达
thinking of u... but no longer have the right to express how much i still care
旧情人给的问候比陌生人还尴尬
greetings are more awkward from ex-lovers than from strangers
昨天远了明天还长回忆模糊但巨大
yesterdays r far away, tomorrows are long... memories r blurry but overwhelming
这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下
nights like this.... how do u stop the tears from falling...
Disclaimer:
this has nothing to do with me. i'm happy.
actually. i'm almost surprised at how lil i care. lol.
seriously. this lack of a heart thing? it's really working for me =P
lol. it's just a gd song. =)
Monday, November 17, 2008
motivate me.
it's 10am and I finally made the decision to skip my 3 hour class and sit myself down at bridge.
like the locals would say "我要疯狂学术了“ ( I am going to study like mad today) there is a reason why I never slow down. cuz apparently, if I slow down, then I just lose momentum and lose the will to go on. 最近太颓了 (another local saying... basically meaning I have let my life goto waste lately)
i have done nothing productive since I quit my job. LOL.
i have missed every deadline that existed on my calendar,
and my to-do list is now so massive that I can't even look at it anymore.
So today. I'm doing this. I'm sorting my life out.
for the next 12 hours at Bridge, I'm budgeting myself $100. and for every 1 minute that I am not doing something work related/being productive, $1 off.
[x] Financial Statement Analysis hmwk(by 1pm)
OMG..... it's 7:30pm.... this took me 5 hours... for 3 paragraphs...
what is wrong with me... *wails*....
screw it. i'm going to grocery shopping =D
sad how that seems so exciting right now. lol
[ ] Empress (as break between 1 - 2)
[ ] Org Management research (2-2:30)
[ ] Strategic Management Paper Market Analysis (2:30 - 6pm)
[ ] one chapter of Strategic Management (6-8)
[x] one set of questions (8-10)
[ ] at least 5 things from my massive to-do list (as breaks in between?)
omg. my first exam is in like. 2 weeks and i've yet to read over 70% of the material. o.O
I just realized I have another paper due in 2 weeks too... wtf have i been doing?
lol.. okay this freaks me out.
but it's okay.
i've got motivation =D
T: but... what if I don't do as well and can't get into w/e amazing school you get accepted to?
M: it's okay it's okay. u can do this. and ... i'm fine with anything top 15. so as long as u get into top 15 we'll go together okay?
[ lmao... he canNOT be serious. and i'd NEVER let him do it. but... that's motivation enough for me. i won't let u down. ]
(oh and look. he just walked into bridge. LOL. all the more reason to finish this so we can chill =))
T: *complain complain complain* *rawr* give me motivation!
Mommie: "p-sch p-sch p-sch..."
T: ... wtf r u doing?
Mommie: "... 给你打气啊！" ("adding air for u" - equivalent of "adding oil"?)
T: .... LMAO......... u r SO gay.
heart mommie.
K: "最近在课上都没怎么看到你了，是在忙期中吗？ "
lol.... i can't believe that my absence at a random class i go to for fun was noted. o.O. I will sort this mess out so i can start going to class again... and maybe talk to this guy ;)
J: "How do you have so much time and money to travel the whole world and STILL remain successful"
omg. he thinks i'm "successful". o.O like. WTF.
1) his opinion doesn't matter. i know. y's he even talking to me. like. wtf. (i'm j/k. we're okay. i know)
2) and how? .... honestly. one of these tipsy days maybe i'll actually tell him. that he started it all. way back when. this need to do as much as possible purely for the sake of staying as busy as possible. so that i can't think. can't feel. can't miss him. for the past... *I'm scared to count... 7 years* that was why. and it simply became a habit. so in all honestly? i should thank him.
S: "I don't know if u know but I look up to you. A LOT. you've always been a role model to me as well as a friend".
.... reason enough to go on? gotta live up to expectationssss
M: "he's really happy and it shows. You would die..."
this is motivation because... actually. i wouldn't. i am happy and hey. according to above, i'm "successful". i'm in beijing. having the time of my life. i'm glad he's finally found her. i'm glad everything is good. another burden/worry off my bad. so no. i wouldn't die. i'm not dying. i'm happy. i'm happy for them too =)
SO yes... i've got all the motivation/support in the world. LMAO again at mommie tho. LOL.
LMAO. it's 11. I've spent an hour on this and breakfast. lol.
so if I don't get anything done by 1pm. i'm kicking myself out.
like the locals would say "我要疯狂学术了“ ( I am going to study like mad today) there is a reason why I never slow down. cuz apparently, if I slow down, then I just lose momentum and lose the will to go on. 最近太颓了 (another local saying... basically meaning I have let my life goto waste lately)
i have done nothing productive since I quit my job. LOL.
i have missed every deadline that existed on my calendar,
and my to-do list is now so massive that I can't even look at it anymore.
So today. I'm doing this. I'm sorting my life out.
for the next 12 hours at Bridge, I'm budgeting myself $100. and for every 1 minute that I am not doing something work related/being productive, $1 off.
[x] Financial Statement Analysis hmwk
OMG..... it's 7:30pm.... this took me 5 hours... for 3 paragraphs...
what is wrong with me... *wails*....
screw it. i'm going to grocery shopping =D
sad how that seems so exciting right now. lol
[ ] Empress (as break between 1 - 2)
[ ] Org Management research (2-2:30)
[ ] Strategic Management Paper Market Analysis (2:30 - 6pm)
[ ] one chapter of Strategic Management (6-8)
[x] one set of questions (8-10)
[ ] at least 5 things from my massive to-do list (as breaks in between?)
omg. my first exam is in like. 2 weeks and i've yet to read over 70% of the material. o.O
I just realized I have another paper due in 2 weeks too... wtf have i been doing?
lol.. okay this freaks me out.
but it's okay.
i've got motivation =D
T: but... what if I don't do as well and can't get into w/e amazing school you get accepted to?
M: it's okay it's okay. u can do this. and ... i'm fine with anything top 15. so as long as u get into top 15 we'll go together okay?
[ lmao... he canNOT be serious. and i'd NEVER let him do it. but... that's motivation enough for me. i won't let u down. ]
(oh and look. he just walked into bridge. LOL. all the more reason to finish this so we can chill =))
T: *complain complain complain* *rawr* give me motivation!
Mommie: "p-sch p-sch p-sch..."
T: ... wtf r u doing?
Mommie: "... 给你打气啊！" ("adding air for u" - equivalent of "adding oil"?)
T: .... LMAO......... u r SO gay.
heart mommie.
K: "最近在课上都没怎么看到你了，是在忙期中吗？ "
lol.... i can't believe that my absence at a random class i go to for fun was noted. o.O. I will sort this mess out so i can start going to class again... and maybe talk to this guy ;)
J: "How do you have so much time and money to travel the whole world and STILL remain successful"
omg. he thinks i'm "successful". o.O like. WTF.
1) his opinion doesn't matter. i know. y's he even talking to me. like. wtf. (i'm j/k. we're okay. i know)
2) and how? .... honestly. one of these tipsy days maybe i'll actually tell him. that he started it all. way back when. this need to do as much as possible purely for the sake of staying as busy as possible. so that i can't think. can't feel. can't miss him. for the past... *I'm scared to count... 7 years* that was why. and it simply became a habit. so in all honestly? i should thank him.
S: "I don't know if u know but I look up to you. A LOT. you've always been a role model to me as well as a friend".
.... reason enough to go on? gotta live up to expectationssss
M: "he's really happy and it shows. You would die..."
this is motivation because... actually. i wouldn't. i am happy and hey. according to above, i'm "successful". i'm in beijing. having the time of my life. i'm glad he's finally found her. i'm glad everything is good. another burden/worry off my bad. so no. i wouldn't die. i'm not dying. i'm happy. i'm happy for them too =)
SO yes... i've got all the motivation/support in the world. LMAO again at mommie tho. LOL.
LMAO. it's 11. I've spent an hour on this and breakfast. lol.
so if I don't get anything done by 1pm. i'm kicking myself out.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
a girl can dream.
ughhh. if i could only get over the idea of being a 70-year-old grandma with a tattoo i'd SO get one.
maybe by then there'd be a better way to get it removed =P. *hopeful* ^.^
currently wanting a tat soooo bad.
+ two more piercings.
that is all. =P
.
edit: 1045am
I... can't stop myself from smiling.
LOL. gosh...
i love the sun. i love the blue blue blue skies. i love the fresh air. i love this city.
i love our conversations. i love our jokes. i love our retardednesses. i love spending time with you like this.
there's nothing i'd trade for this moment.
there's nowhere else in the world i want to be.
I ... actually. can't. stop smiling. lol.
=)
edit:: 725pm
and. this is me.
c r a s h i n g .
maybe by then there'd be a better way to get it removed =P. *hopeful* ^.^
currently wanting a tat soooo bad.
+ two more piercings.
that is all. =P
.
edit: 1045am
I... can't stop myself from smiling.
LOL. gosh...
i love the sun. i love the blue blue blue skies. i love the fresh air. i love this city.
i love our conversations. i love our jokes. i love our retardednesses. i love spending time with you like this.
there's nothing i'd trade for this moment.
there's nowhere else in the world i want to be.
I ... actually. can't. stop smiling. lol.
=)
edit:: 725pm
and. this is me.
c r a s h i n g .
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
catch up.
wow... after various complaints as to how the frequency of my blogging has decreased recently, I guess it's time for an update. haha... too many things happen in too little time in Beijing that there never seems to be time to blog anymore, and once I fall behind in stuff it adds on to the point where eventually it seems like I can never catch up anymore. lol. but i'll try.
Simatai Great Wall::
I heart the great wall. like. real great walls that aren't crowded with half the population of China and renovated yesterday.
the whole place was sooooooooooooooo pretty. and weather was just perfect. All I wanted to do was sit on the wall and not move. words fail to describe... will upload pictures to facebook soon =P.
and as sketchy as the trip was... it was fun =). we should just never goto class and just travel all the time =D.
Can't wait til you get here. and hopefully it'll be snowing by then... so we can go again and see what it's like. should be pretty amazing =]. there was more to say but i can't remember...
Work::
So after a month of working here in China and a week of debating, I quit my job on Friday. I can't believe how difficult it was to quit... half because I don't think I have actually quit anything before o.O? but yes... but I'm glad I went through with it... most of you know that eventually I want to come back to China, esp Beijing, to work. So this was my opportunity to try and see if I can actually survive the work environment here, and also, a new experience working at something other than what I have been used to. I think... in a month.. I have managed to learn all that I can from this firm and have gotten a taste of what it would be like. and it's time to move on. Even though it was only three half days a week, it was adding too much stress on top of everything. I am grateful though. For everyone that I have met in the past month. The trip to ShiDu was also amazinggggg =). I can't believe I managed to pass off as a local student for all this time =P. Everyone has been so nice and supportive, and I am truly grateful to have had this opportunity. On a sidenote, I will miss you... thanks for giving me something to look forward to every day of work =].
ISU China Cup
OMG. So.... I've had this random obsession with figure skating since I was a kid.... and I've never seen it live... after celebrating my successful quitting of my job with Peng and korean food =P, I went to go see a figure skating competition at ShouTi (another Olympic stadium). I was so.... mesmerized is the only word I can think of. I CAN'T believe I was sitting like... best seats in the house at an international skating competition for 35RMB (=6.5 CDN) ... (yeah I got them at the gate from this guy who was just like... here... I have tickets... pay me whatever you want o.O) It was so amazing to sit there and just watch it all happening for real... I realize I sound retarded... but OMG. highlight of the night... or the week... or like. the year... Xue Shen and Hongbo Zhao (three-time pairs figure skating world champions, two-time winter olympics bronze medalists .... first Chinese team to ever win a world title in this event, and according to Wikipedia, they got married in 2007 (like. omg o.O) ... and half the reason why I fell in love with figure skating in the first place. so yes... they were there.... and I GOT AUTOGRAPHS. like. OMG. wow... okay after the competition I had to run to a meeting at like. 9pm -_-" and have been partying like mad ever since so I kind of forgot to be excited about this. but thinking back. like. OMG. I couldn't believe this was actually happening.... and of course, it didn't hurt that the Chinese team won another gold and bronze medal in pairs skating that night =).
the gold medalist pair. YES. i was sitting THAT close.
Queen's get together::
Given that there are eight of us here in Beijing... you'd think that we'd see each other more often... but actually. this was the first time 6/8 of us all met up. It was such a chill night of just talking and hanging out together. lol.
... highlight of the night. us walking out to pick someone up. It's been a while since we'd talked. hadn't realized how much we both missed just being together, hanging out and talking. things are different, but a lot of things don't change. "we don't just think alike okay? we feel alike. Beat THAT". ... lol... so apparently i undervalue friendship.... but... i know. this is something that'll last a lifetime. =).
and. we're going to make this a biweekly thing. or monthly thing. looking forward to when will comes and joins us too =D.
Da Tong::
So an hour before we had to meet up to goto the train station. I suddenly decided to join in on this trip to Da Tong, a city in Shanxi, 300km away from Beijing, but six hours train ride (.... apparently this train drives at 55km/hr... I drive faster -_-") Slept on the train (to the left: picture of how we ended up getting eight TOP bunks all in a row... lol) and got there 5:30am in the morning. 
I love how Andrius's guide book described this city.... as "everything that went wrong with the obsession with industrialization". I didn't understand until the end of the day when we walked around downtown... like... the air actually smelt like coal... o.O? and my eyes were just watering by itself -_-".. it's a coal-mining city... and everyone there looked... o.O different. We went to Tu Lin... this miniature grand canyon kind of place.... a monastery built on the side of a cliff, and caves with rock sculptures of buddhas... It was actually a lot of fun. A lot of sleeping in the cab, a lot of being cold, and a lot of being with friends and seeing things I've never seen before =), and the impulsiveness of it all just made it all so much more exciting =D. What was strange is how different the dialect is in Shanxi even though it was only 300km away... like I actually couldn't understand at all. Even when we went to Guilin after a while I started understanding without too much problems, and that was on the opposite end of the country. o.O. But seriously... Beijing is pollution free in comparison. It was fun. we need to do this more often. got back 6 30am yesterday morning and went to my class at 9am. =D. this is how we roll =P.
Beijing - continued::
anddd... I think I'm caught up.
Beijing has been gloomy-ish for the past couple of days... and ... I don't even mind the gloominess in Beijing... there has been like 4 cloudy days in total since I'd been here, and each time all it did was rain 2 days later and bring even clearer days after =). but yes... even cloudy days in Beijing is nice... it's... in a sense.. calming and ...relaxing? Bridge was so nice this afternoon, quietly sitting by the window staring out at the world outside, and listening to the people inside... heart Bridge. it's so nice and cozy, and the nicest wait staff in the world... and I like always bumping into people there =P. I like having friends.. lol. is it wrong that I'm not homesick? I was so much more homesick in Kingston... o.O ... anyhow. it's been a busy past while. I'm giving myself a week off, not going to any random classes or partying or even shopping tomorrow. just... chill =) I'm actually enjoying spending time just... on my own =].
hope u guys r all doing well too. hopefully midterms are over. chill =)
(and this took WAY too long... o.o)
Simatai Great Wall::
the whole place was sooooooooooooooo pretty. and weather was just perfect. All I wanted to do was sit on the wall and not move. words fail to describe... will upload pictures to facebook soon =P.
and as sketchy as the trip was... it was fun =). we should just never goto class and just travel all the time =D.Can't wait til you get here. and hopefully it'll be snowing by then... so we can go again and see what it's like. should be pretty amazing =]. there was more to say but i can't remember...
Work::
So after a month of working here in China and a week of debating, I quit my job on Friday. I can't believe how difficult it was to quit... half because I don't think I have actually quit anything before o.O? but yes... but I'm glad I went through with it... most of you know that eventually I want to come back to China, esp Beijing, to work. So this was my opportunity to try and see if I can actually survive the work environment here, and also, a new experience working at something other than what I have been used to. I think... in a month.. I have managed to learn all that I can from this firm and have gotten a taste of what it would be like. and it's time to move on. Even though it was only three half days a week, it was adding too much stress on top of everything. I am grateful though. For everyone that I have met in the past month. The trip to ShiDu was also amazinggggg =). I can't believe I managed to pass off as a local student for all this time =P. Everyone has been so nice and supportive, and I am truly grateful to have had this opportunity. On a sidenote, I will miss you... thanks for giving me something to look forward to every day of work =].
ISU China Cup
OMG. So.... I've had this random obsession with figure skating since I was a kid.... and I've never seen it live... after celebrating my successful quitting of my job with Peng and korean food =P, I went to go see a figure skating competition at ShouTi (another Olympic stadium). I was so.... mesmerized is the only word I can think of. I CAN'T believe I was sitting like... best seats in the house at an international skating competition for 35RMB (=6.5 CDN) ... (yeah I got them at the gate from this guy who was just like... here... I have tickets... pay me whatever you want o.O) It was so amazing to sit there and just watch it all happening for real... I realize I sound retarded... but OMG. highlight of the night... or the week... or like. the year... Xue Shen and Hongbo Zhao (three-time pairs figure skating world champions, two-time winter olympics bronze medalists .... first Chinese team to ever win a world title in this event, and according to Wikipedia, they got married in 2007 (like. omg o.O) ... and half the reason why I fell in love with figure skating in the first place. so yes... they were there.... and I GOT AUTOGRAPHS. like. OMG. wow... okay after the competition I had to run to a meeting at like. 9pm -_-" and have been partying like mad ever since so I kind of forgot to be excited about this. but thinking back. like. OMG. I couldn't believe this was actually happening.... and of course, it didn't hurt that the Chinese team won another gold and bronze medal in pairs skating that night =).
the gold medalist pair. YES. i was sitting THAT close.Given that there are eight of us here in Beijing... you'd think that we'd see each other more often... but actually. this was the first time 6/8 of us all met up. It was such a chill night of just talking and hanging out together. lol.
... highlight of the night. us walking out to pick someone up. It's been a while since we'd talked. hadn't realized how much we both missed just being together, hanging out and talking. things are different, but a lot of things don't change. "we don't just think alike okay? we feel alike. Beat THAT". ... lol... so apparently i undervalue friendship.... but... i know. this is something that'll last a lifetime. =).
and. we're going to make this a biweekly thing. or monthly thing. looking forward to when will comes and joins us too =D.
Da Tong::
So an hour before we had to meet up to goto the train station. I suddenly decided to join in on this trip to Da Tong, a city in Shanxi, 300km away from Beijing, but six hours train ride (.... apparently this train drives at 55km/hr... I drive faster -_-") Slept on the train (to the left: picture of how we ended up getting eight TOP bunks all in a row... lol) and got there 5:30am in the morning. 
I love how Andrius's guide book described this city.... as "everything that went wrong with the obsession with industrialization". I didn't understand until the end of the day when we walked around downtown... like... the air actually smelt like coal... o.O? and my eyes were just watering by itself -_-".. it's a coal-mining city... and everyone there looked... o.O different. We went to Tu Lin... this miniature grand canyon kind of place.... a monastery built on the side of a cliff, and caves with rock sculptures of buddhas... It was actually a lot of fun. A lot of sleeping in the cab, a lot of being cold, and a lot of being with friends and seeing things I've never seen before =), and the impulsiveness of it all just made it all so much more exciting =D. What was strange is how different the dialect is in Shanxi even though it was only 300km away... like I actually couldn't understand at all. Even when we went to Guilin after a while I started understanding without too much problems, and that was on the opposite end of the country. o.O. But seriously... Beijing is pollution free in comparison. It was fun. we need to do this more often. got back 6 30am yesterday morning and went to my class at 9am. =D. this is how we roll =P.Beijing - continued::
anddd... I think I'm caught up.
Beijing has been gloomy-ish for the past couple of days... and ... I don't even mind the gloominess in Beijing... there has been like 4 cloudy days in total since I'd been here, and each time all it did was rain 2 days later and bring even clearer days after =). but yes... even cloudy days in Beijing is nice... it's... in a sense.. calming and ...relaxing? Bridge was so nice this afternoon, quietly sitting by the window staring out at the world outside, and listening to the people inside... heart Bridge. it's so nice and cozy, and the nicest wait staff in the world... and I like always bumping into people there =P. I like having friends.. lol. is it wrong that I'm not homesick? I was so much more homesick in Kingston... o.O ... anyhow. it's been a busy past while. I'm giving myself a week off, not going to any random classes or partying or even shopping tomorrow. just... chill =) I'm actually enjoying spending time just... on my own =].
hope u guys r all doing well too. hopefully midterms are over. chill =)
(and this took WAY too long... o.o)
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
pour toi,
对这个世界如果你有太多的抱怨
dui zhe ge shi jie ru guo ni you tai duo de bao yuan
if you have too much to complain about this world
跌倒了 就不敢继续往前走
die dao le jiu bu gan ji xu wang qian zou
after one fall, no bravery to keep going forward
为什么 人要这么的脆弱堕落
wei shen me ren yao zhe me de cui ruo tuo luo'
why, are people so fragile and just give up hope
请你打开电视看看
qing ni da kai dian shi kan kan
please turn on the tv and look
多少人 为生命在努力勇敢的走下去
duo shao ren wei sheng ming zai nu li yong gan de zou xia qu
how many people. still fighting for life and living so bravely
我们是不是该知足 珍惜一切就算没有拥有
wo men shi bu shi gai zhi zu zhen xi yi qie jiu suan mei you yong you
shouldn't we be satisfied, treasure everything even if we don't own it all.
*还记得你说家是唯一的城堡 随着稻香河流继续奔跑
hai ji de ni shuo jia shi wei yi de cheng bao sui zhe dao xiang he liu ji xu ben pao
still remember you said home is the only castle. keep running with the Daoxiang river
微微笑 小时候的梦我知道
wei wei xiao xiao shi hou de meng wo zhi dao
smile a little, dreams of childhood I still remember.
不要哭让萤火虫带着你逃跑
bu yao ku rang ying huo chong dai zhe ni tao pao
don't cry, let the fireflies lead ur way.
乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
xiang jian de ge yao yong yuan de yi kao
the tunes of the countryside can be depended on forever.
回家吧 回到最初的美好
hui jia ba hui dao zui chu de mei hao
go home. back to the earliest/original perfection
不要这么容易就想放弃 就像我说的
bu yao zhe me rong yi jiu xiang fang qi jiu xiang wo shuo de
don't give up so easily. like i said
追不到的梦想 换个梦不就得了
zhui bu dao de meng xiang huan ge meng bu jiu de le
dreams that u can't chase down. just switch a dream =)
为自己的人生鲜艳上色 先把爱涂上喜欢的颜色
wei zi ji de ren sheng xian yan shang se xian ba ai tu shang xi huan de yan se
add bright colors to your own life. add ur favourite colours first
笑一个吧 功成名就不是目的
xiao yi ge ba gong cheng ming jiu bu shi mu di
smile. success and fame is not the goal.
让自己快乐快乐这才叫做意义
rang zi ji kuai le kuai le zhe cai jiao zuo yi yi
making urself happy is the meaning of life.
童年的纸飞机 现在终于飞回我手里
tong nian de zhi fei ji xian zai zhong yu fei hui wo shou li
paper airplanes of childhood. has finally flied back into my hands now.
所谓的那快乐 赤脚 在田里追蜻蜓追到累了
suo wei de na kuai le chi jiao zai tian li zhui qing ting zhui dao lei le
so called happiness. running barefoot in the fields chasing dragonflies until we get too tired.
偷摘水果被蜜蜂给叮到怕了 谁在偷笑呢
tou zhai shui guo bei mi feng gei ding dao pa le shui zai tou xiao ne
stealing fruits but got stung by the bee. who's secretly laughing
我靠着稻草人 吹着风 唱着歌 睡着了
wo kao zhe dao cao ren chui zhe feng chang zhe ge shui zhao le
sitting against the scare crow. feeling the breeze, singing songs. fell asleep.
哦哦 午后吉他在虫鸣中更清脆
O O wu hou ji ta zai chong ming zhong geng qing cui
oh oh, the sound of the guitar sounds even clearer amongst the sound of the insects past noon
哦哦 阳光洒在路上就不怕心碎
O O yang guang sa zai lu shang jiu bu pa xin sui
oh oh, as long as the sun is shining on the street, not scared of heartbreak
珍惜一切就算没有拥有
zhen xi yi qie jiu suan mei you yong you
treasure everything even if we don't own it all.
Repeat *
good song. heart jay chou. if only he'd come and have a concert in beijing instead of finally going to Toronto when i'm NOT there -_-" boo.
----------------------------
read a blog w/ the title "he cheated on me w/ her and now i've got an invitation to their wedding".
o.O. like. omg. suddenly i am grateful for my life. lol.
after complaining slightly abt china yesterday.
2 random acts of kindness fell out of the sky today.
a) my bike fell and i was struggling cuz i had stuff in my hands. and this random guy runs over and helps me pick up my bike and smiled at me =)
b) the chain on my bike fell again today -_-". and we took it to a lady who fixes bikes and then she fixed it for free o.O
lol. my faith in humanity and china has been renewed =D
it's all good. =D
great wall tmr.
dui zhe ge shi jie ru guo ni you tai duo de bao yuan
if you have too much to complain about this world
跌倒了 就不敢继续往前走
die dao le jiu bu gan ji xu wang qian zou
after one fall, no bravery to keep going forward
为什么 人要这么的脆弱堕落
wei shen me ren yao zhe me de cui ruo tuo luo'
why, are people so fragile and just give up hope
请你打开电视看看
qing ni da kai dian shi kan kan
please turn on the tv and look
多少人 为生命在努力勇敢的走下去
duo shao ren wei sheng ming zai nu li yong gan de zou xia qu
how many people. still fighting for life and living so bravely
我们是不是该知足 珍惜一切就算没有拥有
wo men shi bu shi gai zhi zu zhen xi yi qie jiu suan mei you yong you
shouldn't we be satisfied, treasure everything even if we don't own it all.
*还记得你说家是唯一的城堡 随着稻香河流继续奔跑
hai ji de ni shuo jia shi wei yi de cheng bao sui zhe dao xiang he liu ji xu ben pao
still remember you said home is the only castle. keep running with the Daoxiang river
微微笑 小时候的梦我知道
wei wei xiao xiao shi hou de meng wo zhi dao
smile a little, dreams of childhood I still remember.
不要哭让萤火虫带着你逃跑
bu yao ku rang ying huo chong dai zhe ni tao pao
don't cry, let the fireflies lead ur way.
乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
xiang jian de ge yao yong yuan de yi kao
the tunes of the countryside can be depended on forever.
回家吧 回到最初的美好
hui jia ba hui dao zui chu de mei hao
go home. back to the earliest/original perfection
不要这么容易就想放弃 就像我说的
bu yao zhe me rong yi jiu xiang fang qi jiu xiang wo shuo de
don't give up so easily. like i said
追不到的梦想 换个梦不就得了
zhui bu dao de meng xiang huan ge meng bu jiu de le
dreams that u can't chase down. just switch a dream =)
为自己的人生鲜艳上色 先把爱涂上喜欢的颜色
wei zi ji de ren sheng xian yan shang se xian ba ai tu shang xi huan de yan se
add bright colors to your own life. add ur favourite colours first
笑一个吧 功成名就不是目的
xiao yi ge ba gong cheng ming jiu bu shi mu di
smile. success and fame is not the goal.
让自己快乐快乐这才叫做意义
rang zi ji kuai le kuai le zhe cai jiao zuo yi yi
making urself happy is the meaning of life.
童年的纸飞机 现在终于飞回我手里
tong nian de zhi fei ji xian zai zhong yu fei hui wo shou li
paper airplanes of childhood. has finally flied back into my hands now.
所谓的那快乐 赤脚 在田里追蜻蜓追到累了
suo wei de na kuai le chi jiao zai tian li zhui qing ting zhui dao lei le
so called happiness. running barefoot in the fields chasing dragonflies until we get too tired.
偷摘水果被蜜蜂给叮到怕了 谁在偷笑呢
tou zhai shui guo bei mi feng gei ding dao pa le shui zai tou xiao ne
stealing fruits but got stung by the bee. who's secretly laughing
我靠着稻草人 吹着风 唱着歌 睡着了
wo kao zhe dao cao ren chui zhe feng chang zhe ge shui zhao le
sitting against the scare crow. feeling the breeze, singing songs. fell asleep.
哦哦 午后吉他在虫鸣中更清脆
O O wu hou ji ta zai chong ming zhong geng qing cui
oh oh, the sound of the guitar sounds even clearer amongst the sound of the insects past noon
哦哦 阳光洒在路上就不怕心碎
O O yang guang sa zai lu shang jiu bu pa xin sui
oh oh, as long as the sun is shining on the street, not scared of heartbreak
珍惜一切就算没有拥有
zhen xi yi qie jiu suan mei you yong you
treasure everything even if we don't own it all.
Repeat *
good song. heart jay chou. if only he'd come and have a concert in beijing instead of finally going to Toronto when i'm NOT there -_-" boo.
----------------------------
read a blog w/ the title "he cheated on me w/ her and now i've got an invitation to their wedding".
o.O. like. omg. suddenly i am grateful for my life. lol.
after complaining slightly abt china yesterday.
2 random acts of kindness fell out of the sky today.
a) my bike fell and i was struggling cuz i had stuff in my hands. and this random guy runs over and helps me pick up my bike and smiled at me =)
b) the chain on my bike fell again today -_-". and we took it to a lady who fixes bikes and then she fixed it for free o.O
lol. my faith in humanity and china has been renewed =D
it's all good. =D
great wall tmr.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
random reflections on a chilly November night.
- JUST realized. this is INSANELY long. o.O -
so this has been a highly anticipated post... mostly by me. lol... as I have been keeping myself from blogging until I finished all three assignments. and now they're done. mostly anyway =D. so now I get to talk endlessly =P.
Last week a friend of mine who's also here on exchange came to me, complaining that they were bitter about China, due to the meanness of people, the lack of civilized politeness, and random things that happen... well... only in China. So I've been thinking about it too. I know I've spent the majority of this blog talking about how much I love Beijing, and it's true. But at the same time, it doesn't mean that things don't bother me.
Given everything that has happened to me since arriving in Beijing two and a half months ago... including being kicked out by dear relatives, being homeless, being hit by a car, yelling and basically threatening our tour guide and driver in Guilin, actually fighting with stupid store vendors in Beijing - these were the big events.... there is also constant fighting against traffic, dealing with rude people, glaring at chain smokers and spitters everywhere, and other nusances that I would have never imagined having to deal with back in Canada. But despite of it all, none of it has really affected me much.
I think... it's a matter of standards. of what one chooses to care about and what one chooses to just... let go. Coming back, I knew that I have already imagined Beijing into perfection, and I would be horribly disappointed coming back like that. So in a way, I have already prepped myself by imagining China to be the worst it could possibly be. On the other hand, I really do believe that it would be unfair to judge China and Chinese people with standards that seem so commonplace to us in North America. As is... I think fighting traffic and avoiding near collisions (wow you know you're reading too much strategy when you write "collusion" instead of collision) so yes, avoiding collisions and sometimes, just walking away from a collision, a part of life in Beijing. There are times where I do get mad. I turn around and glare/cut eye. If i get really mad I yell and sometimes swear at them in English... it's not like they can hear or even understand me, but it's like my lil way of letting out that frustration. Conversely, sometimes there's a nice taxi that let's me go instead of trying to run me over purposely, and I smile and raise my hand to say thank you like we would've in Canada... not that they'd understand... but again... it's these small things that keep me sane, these small things that ... "preserve" my "integrity"? I don't know if this makes sense.
None of this makes me angry, not in the way that other people get annoyed/angry at the way China is. A big part of it is just... accepting it all as part of China. like.... we really can't judge and ask Beijing to be Toronto (except Beijing is so much better), but you know what I mean. I think it's a choice. In other words, I've either become extremely great at forgetting things that make me unhappy, or I have been extremely suppressed in the past while, or I have just become a very numb person. Correction, I don't think I have become numb, I'm still very easily excited and happy =D. So I must have just become numb to anything that upsets me. =].
And we're back to this. I like Beijing. I think it calms me down. It... keeps me grounded and... simply... accepting of it all. [ but then as most of u know. i am a different person everyday =P ]
Been thinking lately (I realize this is getting long, but hey, this has all been bottled up while I was procrastinating my assignments =P). Sometimes... the way I live my life, the pace at which I ride my bike through Beijing traffic, among other things... sometimes... I think I must have a death wish. The way I live... it's like a blatant disregard for life. and I just don't care. May be it's exchange, because it doesn't feel like it's real.
On a different note, Cari said the other day that I undervalue friendship. I've been thinking about it and I realize it's true. But I must also be forgiven for this unfortunate mindset. This concept of friendship... or... friends that stay, friendships that last.... is a very new and foreign idea for me. I undervalue friendship because I don't know what it's like to grow up with someone, to have the same "best friend" for more than two years, or any of that. So I undervalue friendship. Because in my life, friendship has been a fragile function of where I live, what school I goto, or if my friend is in a relationship. It's funny. things like Facebook and MSN are supposed to keep people in touch and make communication easier. Contrarily... it feels as though... the easier it is to keep in touch, the more "friends/contacts" there are, .... the louder the silences. .... but all that aside. I guess I realize I should start valuing friendships more... as unreliable as they do seem.... I am grateful. the fact that u're here in Beijing with me.... everything happens for a reason. and whatever that reason is. i'm.... thankful that u're here =).
I apologize for this. I'm happy. I really am. I wish I could go clubbing every night. I wish I could goto every class. I wish I could be surrounded by friends all the time. I wish I can just chill on my own. And to varying degrees. I'm living it all now. and I'm back in Beijing. There's not much more I can ask for.
However, I walked to school today, as a result of Mo making me leave my bike at school yesterday. And as I walked out of my building area.... I must have been surrounded by something like. at LEAST a dozen of Blue Jays (I know what Blue Jays look like because of Toronto Blue Jays. But I have never seen a Blue Jay in toronto. -_-") I've seen a couple here and there before, but never like... a HERD of Blue Jays all together, flying around in the autumn leaves... and made me realize. Maybe I really am rushing through life too fast. I pass by the same area every morning. Why have I never noticed so many Blue Jays before? Because I bike at the speed of public transit everywhere I go. I feel like there's so much to do in Beijing and there's not enough time, so I do all that I can with the least amount of time possible.... it's one night after another. one... let's call them distractions... after another... but maybe it is time to slow down and chill and enjoy the scenery along the way.
... I blame this random reflectiveness on autumn in Beijing... (Anne of Green Gables did call November the most depressing month of the year.... and as gloriously as the sun shines in Beijing instead of Kingston's constant gloominess, it IS november =P) and being bottled up for too long by stupid assignments =p. like. GOSH. who does work on exchange..... =P.
this is all. tho i must say.i miss u. hence the necessity of distractions..
i miss hugs. Chinese people do not hug. so tee is very hug-deprived... ='(
i miss u guys.
- tng. it'll be okay. don't over analyze. =)
- mwong. u're not allowed to go study w/ kj. esp not in my face ='(
- ksingh. that facebook msg made my day. made my week. add oil =)
- btai. "is there halloween where u r?" oh dear u. lol. thk u for rmbing =)
- wfang. i wish u'd get here sooner. for longer. u need to stop randomly disappearing =(
so this has been a highly anticipated post... mostly by me. lol... as I have been keeping myself from blogging until I finished all three assignments. and now they're done. mostly anyway =D. so now I get to talk endlessly =P.
Last week a friend of mine who's also here on exchange came to me, complaining that they were bitter about China, due to the meanness of people, the lack of civilized politeness, and random things that happen... well... only in China. So I've been thinking about it too. I know I've spent the majority of this blog talking about how much I love Beijing, and it's true. But at the same time, it doesn't mean that things don't bother me.
Given everything that has happened to me since arriving in Beijing two and a half months ago... including being kicked out by dear relatives, being homeless, being hit by a car, yelling and basically threatening our tour guide and driver in Guilin, actually fighting with stupid store vendors in Beijing - these were the big events.... there is also constant fighting against traffic, dealing with rude people, glaring at chain smokers and spitters everywhere, and other nusances that I would have never imagined having to deal with back in Canada. But despite of it all, none of it has really affected me much.
I think... it's a matter of standards. of what one chooses to care about and what one chooses to just... let go. Coming back, I knew that I have already imagined Beijing into perfection, and I would be horribly disappointed coming back like that. So in a way, I have already prepped myself by imagining China to be the worst it could possibly be. On the other hand, I really do believe that it would be unfair to judge China and Chinese people with standards that seem so commonplace to us in North America. As is... I think fighting traffic and avoiding near collisions (wow you know you're reading too much strategy when you write "collusion" instead of collision) so yes, avoiding collisions and sometimes, just walking away from a collision, a part of life in Beijing. There are times where I do get mad. I turn around and glare/cut eye. If i get really mad I yell and sometimes swear at them in English... it's not like they can hear or even understand me, but it's like my lil way of letting out that frustration. Conversely, sometimes there's a nice taxi that let's me go instead of trying to run me over purposely, and I smile and raise my hand to say thank you like we would've in Canada... not that they'd understand... but again... it's these small things that keep me sane, these small things that ... "preserve" my "integrity"? I don't know if this makes sense.
None of this makes me angry, not in the way that other people get annoyed/angry at the way China is. A big part of it is just... accepting it all as part of China. like.... we really can't judge and ask Beijing to be Toronto (except Beijing is so much better), but you know what I mean. I think it's a choice. In other words, I've either become extremely great at forgetting things that make me unhappy, or I have been extremely suppressed in the past while, or I have just become a very numb person. Correction, I don't think I have become numb, I'm still very easily excited and happy =D. So I must have just become numb to anything that upsets me. =].
And we're back to this. I like Beijing. I think it calms me down. It... keeps me grounded and... simply... accepting of it all. [ but then as most of u know. i am a different person everyday =P ]
Been thinking lately (I realize this is getting long, but hey, this has all been bottled up while I was procrastinating my assignments =P). Sometimes... the way I live my life, the pace at which I ride my bike through Beijing traffic, among other things... sometimes... I think I must have a death wish. The way I live... it's like a blatant disregard for life. and I just don't care. May be it's exchange, because it doesn't feel like it's real.
On a different note, Cari said the other day that I undervalue friendship. I've been thinking about it and I realize it's true. But I must also be forgiven for this unfortunate mindset. This concept of friendship... or... friends that stay, friendships that last.... is a very new and foreign idea for me. I undervalue friendship because I don't know what it's like to grow up with someone, to have the same "best friend" for more than two years, or any of that. So I undervalue friendship. Because in my life, friendship has been a fragile function of where I live, what school I goto, or if my friend is in a relationship. It's funny. things like Facebook and MSN are supposed to keep people in touch and make communication easier. Contrarily... it feels as though... the easier it is to keep in touch, the more "friends/contacts" there are, .... the louder the silences. .... but all that aside. I guess I realize I should start valuing friendships more... as unreliable as they do seem.... I am grateful. the fact that u're here in Beijing with me.... everything happens for a reason. and whatever that reason is. i'm.... thankful that u're here =).
I apologize for this. I'm happy. I really am. I wish I could go clubbing every night. I wish I could goto every class. I wish I could be surrounded by friends all the time. I wish I can just chill on my own. And to varying degrees. I'm living it all now. and I'm back in Beijing. There's not much more I can ask for.
However, I walked to school today, as a result of Mo making me leave my bike at school yesterday. And as I walked out of my building area.... I must have been surrounded by something like. at LEAST a dozen of Blue Jays (I know what Blue Jays look like because of Toronto Blue Jays. But I have never seen a Blue Jay in toronto. -_-") I've seen a couple here and there before, but never like... a HERD of Blue Jays all together, flying around in the autumn leaves... and made me realize. Maybe I really am rushing through life too fast. I pass by the same area every morning. Why have I never noticed so many Blue Jays before? Because I bike at the speed of public transit everywhere I go. I feel like there's so much to do in Beijing and there's not enough time, so I do all that I can with the least amount of time possible.... it's one night after another. one... let's call them distractions... after another... but maybe it is time to slow down and chill and enjoy the scenery along the way.
... I blame this random reflectiveness on autumn in Beijing... (Anne of Green Gables did call November the most depressing month of the year.... and as gloriously as the sun shines in Beijing instead of Kingston's constant gloominess, it IS november =P) and being bottled up for too long by stupid assignments =p. like. GOSH. who does work on exchange..... =P.
this is all. tho i must say.
i miss hugs. Chinese people do not hug. so tee is very hug-deprived... ='(
i miss u guys.
- tng. it'll be okay. don't over analyze. =)
- mwong. u're not allowed to go study w/ kj. esp not in my face ='(
- ksingh. that facebook msg made my day. made my week. add oil =)
- btai. "is there halloween where u r?" oh dear u. lol. thk u for rmbing =)
- wfang. i wish u'd get here sooner. for longer. u need to stop randomly disappearing =(
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