i am a rambling broken mess on very lil sleep and a lot of drinking this week.

1. i still struggle with some things. like him&her. i think it's hilarious. and i find myself creeping on fb over and over again and continue to struggle with it time after time after time. i think it would be hilarious to comment on a picture of them together. it's cute. really is. i just... break out in random unstoppable laughter silently inside. awkward but funny. i hope this is karma. and i hope this means i'm off the hook on that account payable.

2. some times its awesome to have TBF as a cover. i love how it has managed to delude everyone and shield from the real culprit. also funny how i'm pretty much over it before anyone even noticed in the first place. lol. i am a bundle of emotions all tangled together.

3. i'm... ready for a new beginning.

4. i want to say "... no more games. i promise you. no more games. it's just u and me now. no one else. and we'll make it work." but i can't. and i don't. and i won't. but it's true. today. i wish i was another girl. i wish i was 14. and i would not let pride get in the way. and i'd make u stay. and we'd grow old together like u said. i wish i was 15. and i wouldn't have taken ur crap and i would've believed. and i wouldn't have let go. i wish i was 16 and i wouldn't have hurt u the way i did. and i wish i were someone else w/o the ambition and the family and the responsibilities. and we would've been okay. i wish i was 17 and i wouldn't have let u take advtg the way u did and i wouldn't have blamed myself and i wouldn't feel and hurt the way i did. i wish i was 18 and wouldn't have let u go again. i wish i weren't me and there weren't all these lines and rules and standards and responsibilities and requirements. i wish we didn't have to play games. and i wish i could wipe the slate clean.

5. i hate cloudy days.

4.