procrastination #2.

i promise to seriously start my essay as soon as i'm done this.
the fb wall post was quite touching. i was very impressed. thanks dear. lol.
i was thinking all the things i would actually want to do.
thinking of the things that make people feel fulfilled and happy.
funny because i realize i really don't need much.

i enjoy nice coffee shops. like bridge.
w/ sunshine and big windows and nice music.

i enjoy big busy cities. like toronto, or beijing.
but more so when i'm insulated away from it,
like in a car, or in an apartment, or something.

i enjoy volleyball. but only when everyone's really into it.
quiet games kill me. i live for the share adrenaline ＆ excitement.

i enjoy chilling on my own. doing things my way, when and how i want.
lol. i'm so antisocial sometimes. i enjoy my own bubble too much.

i want to find something i'm truly passionate about.
pg friend went to hbs, has passion in video games, now he produces video games by playing games all day, adding diff features that he thinks are cool, and then playing more games. o.O
my mother seriously just wanted to be a doctor. and gave up higher paying, chill jobs to go work longer hours, neglect her child and save the children of strangers.
my father was just... randomly impressed by trains and wanted to work with something train-related. then decided that the stock market was cooler and devoted the rest of his leisure time to that.
some ppl like cooking. so they cook. or become a chef.
some ppl actually really care about finance and econ. and therefore go into business.
other ppl like fashion. and live & breathe fashion. give up solid job offers to go into the fashion industry.
i respect all these ppl. that do things that they truly enjoy and care about.
i love the commies that have decided to do something unconventional, outside of the commerce bubble. i think they are awesome.
i even respect ppl who have legit hobbies or things that they do outside of work that keep them sane and happy and passionate.

i'm chill. i should be grateful. and oh i really really am.
i just feel like... somewhere along the way. i forgot.
i can't remember what i really really really enjoy.
i can't remember what i was reallly passionate about.
not an interview answer. but a real answer.

yet. as i wrote that last 2 lines. i remembered.
ma raison d'etre.
how dare i forget.

yet somehow. after 12 years. that no longer seems to be enough.


side note - wow... if all of the above were words for my essay. i'd be half way done now. LOL. fail tina fail -_-"