lol. wanted to end this blog on 勇敢爱。
but it looks like i'im going to explode without another outlet for thoughts and stuff. -____-". stupid habit resulting from early exposure to AA. haha....

anyway. as leaving town becomes sooner and sooner - p.s. nts - i do not handle uncertainty well. -__-".
i like having plans and i like having everything figured out and set and ready to go and multiple contingency plans for any last minute things that may arise. it is july 8th. i'm leaving in a matter of 2 weeks. and may not be back in toronto as late as a month later. leaving only 5 days before flying to hk. WTF. o.O. there's no time to figure stuff out yetttt.

.... i've been noticing that i like routines. i really do. and i hate moving... because i like... having set things and places that i get to go and do. i liked the routine i had going in kingston. and was deeply saddened when i came back to Toronto without that routine. it's taken me a couple of months and now i've got toronto/scarborough routine figured out... i like how mondays are vball nights. tuesday and thursdays are vy and wednesdays are ff days and etc etc.

as much as i never figured i'd say this... but currently dreading going back to beijing ....
i don't know if i've got what it takes to figure out a new life all over again. ughhhhh. need to find a new gym. a new yoga studio, a new place to play vball, a new crew to club with, a new bus route to go downtown, etc etc... there's so much... stuff to figure out and NONE of it is ready..... *sad.

yet at the same time. today i realized... i do need to get away from here... i do. the awkwardnesses of bumping into exes mothers at shopping malls and memories and random ppl at every street corner.... cannot be healthy for anyone. i find that i don't miss things that i'm not reminded of... i DO need to be out of the country... i do need to... start anew somewhere else...

it's just... *sigh. stresssful =T