in memory of.

Facebook is a strange thing.
It kind of freezes time in a weird kind of way.
I guess the creators of facebook never thought about the accounts of people that pass away... that after they pass away.. there's no one else that knows their password... they can't delete or remove the account... or indicate on it somehow that that person is no longer with us.
maybe it's a good thing... in a way, it reminds us of them, it keeps them at that moment in their lives, it becomes a place where people can mourn and share and remember.

Tomorrow Andrius will have passed away for a month.
Somehow time seems weird. It feels like forever since it has happened... yet it's like yesterday that we were still in Beijing, chilling and travelling and hanging out.
He was the last person to message me as I was leaving Beijing to goto Chongqing, inviting me to dinner to catch up. I am so sorry for not being able to make it... ... sigh.
....
funny how facebook has helped me get to know him even better after the fact.
It just amazes me how many different people from around the world he has met and had so many wonderful memories with. how many people he has touched in his life.
Everyone speaks about how positive, how open, and in general, how great of a person he was.
It still shocks me to no end that... he would be one to choose such an ending.
It bothers me that.... we could have been there...
his family is still searching for reasons... ........

gah. i need to stop. 2 more exams and one more 12 page paper. i need to do this. i need to focus.
it's just... crazy how much this has affected me and it bothers me that no one else seems to be as affected as i am and there's no one to talk to about it and i realize i am overly sensitive and i over react and he would laugh at me if he knew i was acting like this. I was watching YouTube the other day, Kangxilaile, and S was talking about a friend who had passed away, and she would force herself to keep talking about him rather than avoiding touching on that memory because she believes that, that way, they'll know that they haven't forgotten them, and in their memory he lives on. I don't know. =T.

aagh. omg. i need to stop. I don't even understand why I react so ... agh. need to study. need to focus. exam in not that many hours. ahhhh. Gosh Andrius... so mad at you for making me like this. GRRR. happy memories. happy thoughts. GOSH tina. FOCUS. go study. 2 more daysssss. just power through them. grrrrrrrrrr.

.... man i need to grow up.
.

rest in peace Andrius.
we miss you.
take care.
.